I {thought} my water broke this morning.
Seriously. I did.
---
I should preface this by saying that I've never had my water 'naturally' break.
...and yeah, I realize that by kiddo {4} a person {should} have that pretty much figured out.
---
but I don't so yeah, {thought} my water broke. Not good. Turns out....ya learn something new every day and I'll spare you the details :)
.
More to the point is what I learned today when my ever-loving husband asked me how far along I {really} was...because, you know...life is happening all around us and as the days turn into weeks, it's getting tough to keep up.
Sadly, I wasn't exactly sure so I googled a pregnancy calendar and input all my dates.
Turns out I'm 32 weeks and 5 days. Turns out my due date is a little {sooner} than expected. Turns out that if {everything} turns out, it looks like we might meet this new little man on March 3rd and not March 25th.
MARCH 3rd.
Um, excuse me while I {think} about a heart attack.
Are we ready?
Is {he} ready?
Can we {really} do this?
...ready or not...
(please pray with us. this is so scary)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Getting {there}
Whelp. I'm 31 weeks pregnant. Little boy blue is very active but it's funny- he goes right to bed at 10pm. He's loving breakfast burritos from Jack In the Box but I'm craving celery, peanut butter, and raisins (together, of course). I have only gained 3 lbs this month so far...my 'usual' is around 10, so I'm pretty excited :) I'm getting HUGE and hugely uncomfortable.
I'm {ready}. I think. And if I'm not...I'm getting {there}
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I {still} Believe
I {almost} had gestational diabetes.
---
Low carb/high protein diets aren't really much fun. Especially if you tend to lean on the 'I'm pregnant so I can eat anything I want' excuse, like I do.
---
This baby still has the {parts} that make him a BOY :)
---
He's about 3 lbs
---
I have placenta previa which means that I'm likely to have a C-section and will need a lot of monitoring.
---
I {almost} thought I wasn't in the 'high risk' pregnancy category anymore.
---
This whole coffee habit thing I've got going on has got.to.stop (and has).
---
How can some people JOG during pregnancy and I can barely walk?
---
Why does my doctor prefer the words 'advanced maternal age' over just saying it like it is - OLD?
---
I'm 30 weeks pregnant.
---
In less than 2 months, I get to hold this lil guy. And rock him. And sing to him. And kiss his tiny little toes. And bathe him. And put him in the front pouch for walks. And listen to his lil mousy cries. And pinch his tiny little nose (gently, of course).
---
Ryan is ready. He asks me every day if the baby is going to come out.
---
Gage kisses my belly and says "Hi beeeeebeeeeee".
---
I don't think JD knows what's happening... :)
---
Just when I {think} I'm ready, I freak out a little bit.
---
I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm terrified. I want to fall asleep and wake up with this baby in my arms. I'm afraid of the unknown. I'm afraid of the known. I'm not 'counting my chickens' but can I just let someone know that I want my chicken??? safe. And sound. I'm wondering how my other boys got here. I'm dreading the delivery. I'm terrified that I can't do it.
---
These (and many like these) thoughts have been running miles on my brain lately.
---
Last night as my {other kids} were getting on the bus, I got an email alert that a massive 7.0 earthquake had just struck the island nation of Haiti.
---
There were unknowns.
---
There were knowns.
---
I thought about the intensity of an earthquake that size; what it must be like to {live} it. Then I went home and my {normal} thoughts began cycling through my mind again.
---
The next morning, we located Haiti on a map. We circled it. We wrote 7.0 next to it. We talked about the Richter Scale and what 7.0 means. We compared a 7.0 to the 6.5 Northern California experienced last week. We didn't have a lot of {news} but we {knew} what happened. And circled it on the map.
---
Then later today, I saw the videos.
---
The videos that showed that Haiti isn't really Haiti anymore.
---
The videos that were accompanied by the sounds of mothers who were holding their dead children in their arms. I didn't see them, but I recognized the chill in their voices.
---
Videos with no words because the pictures were enough.
---
Videos of orphanages with tiny children in white, wooden boxes.
---
Videos of entire families laying dead in the streets; of entire kindergarten classes killed by collapsing school walls.
---
With my jaw dropped and tears in my eyes, I forced myself to be exposed to the tragedy. I forced myself to do more than circle it on a map. I forced myself to let me heart feel it and change because of it.
---
How is your heart different today than it was yesterday?
---
How is the way you {see} changed because of what you've {allowed} to change you? I can circle things on a map. I can pile up thoughts that will eat me alive. That's the easy part. But changing...well, that's the hard part.
---
I {still} believe that God is greater than a 7.0; That His love transcends circumstance and His promise of eternal life springs hope that really can soothe the cry of a mother's empty arms.
---
I {still} believe. And today, those thoughts...the ones that I so often allow to consume me and fill me up with fear? The ones that can change me without my knowing it (and sometimes even without my permission). Yeah, I guess I just don't see the magnitude of them the same today as I did yesterday.
---
I'm trying to {see} the unseen. I'm trying to live out of fear's shadow.
---
Low carb/high protein diets aren't really much fun. Especially if you tend to lean on the 'I'm pregnant so I can eat anything I want' excuse, like I do.
---
This baby still has the {parts} that make him a BOY :)
---
He's about 3 lbs
---
I have placenta previa which means that I'm likely to have a C-section and will need a lot of monitoring.
---
I {almost} thought I wasn't in the 'high risk' pregnancy category anymore.
---
This whole coffee habit thing I've got going on has got.to.stop (and has).
---
How can some people JOG during pregnancy and I can barely walk?
---
Why does my doctor prefer the words 'advanced maternal age' over just saying it like it is - OLD?
---
I'm 30 weeks pregnant.
---
In less than 2 months, I get to hold this lil guy. And rock him. And sing to him. And kiss his tiny little toes. And bathe him. And put him in the front pouch for walks. And listen to his lil mousy cries. And pinch his tiny little nose (gently, of course).
---
Ryan is ready. He asks me every day if the baby is going to come out.
---
Gage kisses my belly and says "Hi beeeeebeeeeee".
---
I don't think JD knows what's happening... :)
---
Just when I {think} I'm ready, I freak out a little bit.
---
I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm terrified. I want to fall asleep and wake up with this baby in my arms. I'm afraid of the unknown. I'm afraid of the known. I'm not 'counting my chickens' but can I just let someone know that I want my chicken??? safe. And sound. I'm wondering how my other boys got here. I'm dreading the delivery. I'm terrified that I can't do it.
---
These (and many like these) thoughts have been running miles on my brain lately.
---
Last night as my {other kids} were getting on the bus, I got an email alert that a massive 7.0 earthquake had just struck the island nation of Haiti.
---
There were unknowns.
---
There were knowns.
---
I thought about the intensity of an earthquake that size; what it must be like to {live} it. Then I went home and my {normal} thoughts began cycling through my mind again.
---
The next morning, we located Haiti on a map. We circled it. We wrote 7.0 next to it. We talked about the Richter Scale and what 7.0 means. We compared a 7.0 to the 6.5 Northern California experienced last week. We didn't have a lot of {news} but we {knew} what happened. And circled it on the map.
---
Then later today, I saw the videos.
---
The videos that showed that Haiti isn't really Haiti anymore.
---
The videos that were accompanied by the sounds of mothers who were holding their dead children in their arms. I didn't see them, but I recognized the chill in their voices.
---
Videos with no words because the pictures were enough.
---
Videos of orphanages with tiny children in white, wooden boxes.
---
Videos of entire families laying dead in the streets; of entire kindergarten classes killed by collapsing school walls.
---
With my jaw dropped and tears in my eyes, I forced myself to be exposed to the tragedy. I forced myself to do more than circle it on a map. I forced myself to let me heart feel it and change because of it.
---
How is your heart different today than it was yesterday?
---
How is the way you {see} changed because of what you've {allowed} to change you? I can circle things on a map. I can pile up thoughts that will eat me alive. That's the easy part. But changing...well, that's the hard part.
---
I {still} believe that God is greater than a 7.0; That His love transcends circumstance and His promise of eternal life springs hope that really can soothe the cry of a mother's empty arms.
---
I {still} believe. And today, those thoughts...the ones that I so often allow to consume me and fill me up with fear? The ones that can change me without my knowing it (and sometimes even without my permission). Yeah, I guess I just don't see the magnitude of them the same today as I did yesterday.
---
I'm trying to {see} the unseen. I'm trying to live out of fear's shadow.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
{LOOK}
A few weeks ago, Ryan's teacher let me know she thought he was having trouble seeing. You wouldn't know it though, with the targets he can shoot! HA. We took him to the pediatrician, who informed us he was seeing about 20/50...then made an appt with the optometrist right away.
Turns out he does take after me a {little bit}. He's got my vision (sorry, Ry). No WONDER he's been wanting to play with my glasses all the time!!! And I've been telling him, "No...you don't want to play with my glasses because it'll mess your eyes up". Who knew it was making things clearer for him?
Gotta love teachers who pay attention, eh?
Saturday, January 2, 2010
It {amazes} Me
It simply amazes me how much this kid is like me:
Sometimes when he's throwing a rip-roaring fit in the middle of public, I just look down at him and laugh because I {know} those roots run deep. Passion, is what I like to call it.
He keeps to himself.
Prefers to be by himself.
Sometimes when he's throwing a rip-roaring fit in the middle of public, I just look down at him and laugh because I {know} those roots run deep. Passion, is what I like to call it.
He keeps to himself.
Prefers to be by himself.
Always learning. Always exploring. Always asking.
Always making. Always searching. 
Always building. Always creating. Always expressing.
---
It simply amazes me how this kid is just like his dad:
Always building. Always creating. Always expressing.
Always working. Always wondering.
---
Never a dull moment. Never a bore.
Never a dull moment. Never a bore.
---
And when the two of these guys get together, well...watch out, because they make quite a team! ;)
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