Refreshing

Today, as I'm in my 'funk', I overheard Ryan talking to the lifeguard at swim lessons:

"Is the water cold?"

He creeps further down the ladder into the water, hesitant.

"Or is it refreshing?" he asks...

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Refreshing? Did I just hear my five year old ask if the water is "refreshing"? This small boy, ill-equipped for this giant pool, stepping deeper and deeper into the unknown abyss that is his nemesis at this point in the 'lesson'? This boy, who believes that there really ARE sharks that live in this pool that are 'put away at night'; this boy who can barely stop asking questions about this giant pool long enough to actually learn to swim...he chooses the word, "refreshing" to ask of its characteristics?

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I can't describe the number of times I've been before a 'pool' in my life and have had to dive in...to sink or to swim and I can't recollect, with all my might, a time when I would have thought of it as "refreshing" (or any synonym of the word).

A time like today...a time when the carpet of life seems to slip out from under me...a time when the surprises of all surprises is becoming more and more real as time ticks on. A time when I'd be just fine in my funk, thank-you-very-much.

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I've felt 'weird' lately- and as I expressed my concern to my loving husband and he replied with "you're probably pregnant". I scoffed at the idea. And to prove that I do, in fact, know my body better than he does, I took a pregnancy test JUST to prove him wrong. And when you have the kind of pregnancy history that I have, yes, those tests just happen to be lying around...

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You can imagine the shock, then, that oozed in the form of tears as the 'pregnant' line grew darker than the 'test' line. I dropped the test as if it were a two-tone pink preying mantis about to hiss and strike. I didn't talk to JD for a good portion of the day.

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Pregnant? Are you KIDDING me? I can't begin to express the not readiness. Like, for example, that there's no way my car will seat three car seats. Or that I doubt I could entertain Gage long enough for BBPs and NSTs that are a certain with any pregnancy of mine. Or that I'll be so tired all year long ... and especially on my 30th birthday and 10th wedding anniversary (milestones JD and I always talked about celebrating in another country).

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stressed.

worried.

shocked.

doubtful.

these last few weeks have been a steady rotation of these emotions.

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This {new} part of life looks scary. I don't know if I can do it - if I can do it well enough. I know JD can do it but it's me that I'm worried about for now. I'm scared of the unknown; of the uncertainty that pregnancies always bring for us. I wonder what our life will look like with three boys...or possibly another girl.

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I feel like Ryan, on the edge of something scary. It includes some rationale fears but is also plagued with the irrational. I want to dip my toes in but yet I'm afraid. As I was expressing these fears to the One who listens best, He revealed this scripture to me:

"and by your will they were created; not to be conceived as a demand, but as an expression or inclination of pleasure toward that which is liked, that which pleases and creates joy...it signifies His gracious disposition toward something" Revelation 4:11

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Does it look scary? Does it look unmanagable? If you have been in these shoes of mine, then you know what I'm feeling. Can I seek shelter in shock and worry? Can I live in this funk? Or can I choose a {new} lens. Can I simply put on another lens...a different attitude...can I be more grateful and feel more blessed than ever? I choose that new lens.

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Getting pregnant 'on accident' could be just the right dose of {refreshing}.

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and how great is it that today we heard a little teeny tiny heartbeat for the first time ... ever?

Earrings and Fair Pictures

So I'm super excited because I bought my first pair of earrings from my friend, Angela, who has just started a silver jewelry business called Blueberry Silver. I'm totally loving my new earrings! (Thanks, Angela)

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I guess part of my excitement is that my new earrings look a little something like one of my favorite bloggers, Kelly. See, isn't she cute? (she's the one on the right...see the earrings????) Mine are way cuter though- hahahahaha!!!!


It's the little things, right? :)

So I've decided to enter a few pictures into the fair this year. I highly doubt they will win anything but at least I'll get an all-week pass for $11! Hahaha.

I can't believe you have to matt your pictures. I mean, I can believe it but I NEVER thought it would be so expensive! Even the cheesy ones are $8! Highway robbery! Anyway, this is a 'series' that I'm going to enter.

And this one of Ryan doesn't look as grainy in real life. I'm going to enter it in 'kids':

Not sure where to enter these sillouettes. There's no specific category for them. I could enter in 'sunset' but the sunset isn't the focus. I could enter in 'people' but you can't really see the defined features. Maybe I'll enter it in 'other' - lol.

Same with this one- a picture without a category! :)

In other news, I've been really devouring my bible study right now - just hanging on every word. I've got quite a story brewing inside of me right now but haven't found the words to tell the story yet. In time...

Have a blessed day, friends~

You're Killin' Me Smalls!

So Ryan has been REALLY into the movie, The Sandlot. Ever seen it?

Notice the plaid shirt with a T underneath. Look familiar? :)

And if you have seen the movie for yourself, then you probably recognize this scene, where "Smalls" is standing in out field waiting for Rodriguez to hit him a ball...

We got Ryan's hitting helmet at a yard sale last weekend for $.50...and the baseball bat was from a different yard sale for $.25. Come to think of it, we got his cleats and baseball mitt at yard sales too! :)

All week long, Ryan has been begging me to take him to a ..."real baseball field" so a few nights ago, we decided to go. Even Gage joined in the fun.

Gage just kept running around home plate like a baseball playin' maniac!

Not sure what this move is...lol!

and no outting to a real baseball field would be complete without a family race around the bases!

These two raced around the bases about three times and I laughed so hard at JD! Ryan seriously almost beat him a few times! Hahahaha...

The most hysterical part of the day was when Gage grabbed this baseball bat, turned to me, and said..."You play ball like a ...GIRL!" I guess he's been paying attention to Ryan lately!

Happy 9th Wedding Anniversary

Happy 9th wedding anniversary to us! (and I always like to add that it's been 9 married years but 13 total together years just because those extra 4 years definitely need to count for somethin') :)

We aren't going to do anything fancy schmancy for our anniversary. We usually go out to dinner (and talk about how weird it is without our kids with us) and then go to a movie (it's always between summer hits so it's some guy flick like Pirates of the Caribbean or something like that). The Proposal is still in theatres though, so I may get my anniversary movie yet! Hahaha. It seems like everyone we know is out of town, so we'll have to postpone our celebration until my parents get back in town or something...

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Seriously though, being married to JD is the greatest thing ever. I'm very thankful that God placed him in my life!

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And speaking of anniversaries and thankfulness...it's also the one year anniversary of this guy being chew-free! WWHHOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO. See? Prayer works! :)

and THESE are the DAYS of our {LIFE}

Last Friday, we went yard-saling. Big surprise, eh? I found a wine rack for $.50, Ryan got a few brand new Gap polo shirts, and JD scored a .22 pistol for $30. Needless to say, we were all pretty happy (Gage was happy with his chocolate milk) ;) After we were sale-d out, we saw a U-Pick sign for cherries. Last year, we {almost} paid $5 per gallon cause JD had a hankerin' for canned cherries. This year, however, must have been a good year for cherries because we picked 82 pounds @ $1/lb! SCORE.

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The next day, my mom and I canned all 82 lbs! We had a:

It's so fun to learn how to do these domestic-type thingys from 'the master' you know? My mom definitely knows her stuff! Plus, she has all these handy tips that only moms know. Like how to NOT crack all the jars when you put them in the water- handy things, like that. Oh, and just in case you're wondering, 82 lbs of cherries is about 48 qts. Just in case you ever need to know ;)

Oh, and before I forget. I scored this at the Goodwill for $1. My daisies are going to look so cute in it:

I also have a bunch of 'projects' that have been piling up and FINALLY got finished. Like this sign in our family room. JD cut and routered the edges. I painted it and applied the...ehem...adhesive letters! Hahahaha. I'm just glad it's finally on the wall!We (as in Ryan, Gage, and I) have also been working on a little alphabet book. It was an idea I got a few years ago from my friend, Kelly, and we're finally giving it a try! Hahaha... I basically filled a scrapbook with different scrap paper and plan to do a letter per day with the kids. We might find letters...or things that start with certain letters...or make them...or take pictures of them...or maybe even find them in nature. We'll see. But while I was putting together the paper part (and the boys were 'supposed' to be sleeping) Ryan snuck downstairs to watch. I was working away and watching the movie 'Fireproof' for the second time. So now Ryan has decided that he wants to be a fireman. Here he is with his new fireman's mask: I'm not sure how the whole idea is going to turn out but so far, it's fun stuff. Here's how the 'A' page turned out:

Ryan cut out all those 'A's from a newspaper and Gage just sat next to him yelling "AAA...AAA..." It was so funny! We got the big stencils from my nephew's preschool teacher. They are so fun! The boys painted it red and then Ryan arranged the 'appleness'.

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Oh, and before I forget. Look what our new puppy did...

And look what the wind did to our glass table top!!!

After a pretty eventful morning, we decided to hit the spray park. And if it's free, it's me!!!

It wasn't until we got there that I realized I hadn't even brushed my teeth yet!

(ahhh...summer feels GOOD, doesn't it? On second thought...maybe summer feels kinda gross actually....lol)

We're back now (and my teeth are brushed!).

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Lately I've been thinking a lot about what our {life} might look like if I stayed at home instead of worked. How it would be different...how it might be the same. I thought about the things we would do...where we would go...and what we'd spend our time doing.

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Then it hit me, as things like this often do.

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How might our {life} be different if everything was smooth sailing all the time?

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If Olivia hadn't died, would I find a noisy house as {peaceful}?

If I hadn't burried a child, would I {rejoice} in what happens after death?

If my brother hadn't gone to war, would I have realized how {safe} we are?

If Ryan wasn't hospitalized, would I be as {comforted} when he crawls in our bed at 5am?

If I hadn't lost a boat, would I have realized how {blessed} we are?

If I didn't work, could I find the {treasure} in an ordinary day like today?

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I challenge myself today. I challenge myself to fertilize my vision ~ to thank the Lord for loving me and to start seeing my {ordinary} life through His eyes. I challenge myself to not only feel blessed but to be a blessing... to others.

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Bless YOU for dropping in!

A {STINKIN} cute Video

Luck {and a story}

Are you lucky? Do you feel lucky? Does luck {find} you?

It found me this week and let me tell you about it. This week was a {big} family week- what with the 4th of July and all. I took the boys to Sandpoint while JD worked. Long story short, he surprised us all and miracled (that's what we call it) some trades and was able to join us.


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How lucky is THAT?

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So we saw the fireworks at his {stompin'} grounds and the next day, we headed to Montana for some good old fashioned family fun. My aunt and uncle just bought a place on Golden Pond (seriously, it's called that- just like the movie) and we showed up about noon.

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I should interrupt here to introduce you to a member of the family- esp since he's in this {story}. He's my cousin (one of only two). His name is Shaun and he's a big-shot lawyer in New York City. Seriously. He lives in an apartment with a domed pool on the roof. It doesn't get any more big-shot than that. More to the point, he's the reason JD and I met. About 13 years ago, JD told Shaun that his girlfriend was "hot". Shaun's 'girlfriend' was me and you can just about imagine the "ewwww" that dripped from Shaun's response. Anyway, he introduced us and I suppose the rest is history. So this is Shaun:


And because I like to be 'equal' and all, this is my other cousin, Cody. He just got married last summer and I swear, he gets cuter every time I see him! He's carrying the family business (concrete) and is actually really, really talented at 'staining' driveways and such to look like other stones (like slate...or marble...). Anyway, here's Cody:

So anyway, back to the whole 'luck' thing. The whole family participated in this neighborhood golf scramble on the forth of July. Shaun was lucky enough to win the scramble AND as the grand prize, he won a BOAT (granted, no keys and no title...but still). A BOAT. Seriously. Everyone teased him about how he'd get hit home- tie it to the bottom of the plane or possibly sell it before he leaves...

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I should interrupt myself again and let you know that my uncle Doyle won a BOAT at a fishing derby. Not just a metal beater either. It was a NICE boat with a cooler and all! This is one boat-winning family, I tell you what.

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So anyway, Shaun told the family that if anyone could wrap their balls around the orange pole three times, they would win the boat from him. Oh, and the whole balls thing is this really fun yard game called Ladder Ball. I had never played so JD and I decided to challenge Shaun and the neighbor, Jay. We played really poorly up until the last throw, which was mine. We needed 9 points to win and one ball on the orange pole is worth three points, so I needed to get all of our balls on that pole somehow.



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The first pair dangled....from the orange pole.



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The second pair dangled...from the orange pole. This would be a good time to say that I used to be a pitcher in softball and the orange pole was right in the strike zone.



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And by this time, I hit celebrity status because not only had I hung two pair of balls on the orange pole...


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So on the third throw, the balls flew and flipped....and flew and flipped...smack dab onto the orange pole. And what did that mean???? It meant that JD and I had kicked Shaun and Jay's BUTT is what it meant! (and we should have played for money but I was too cheap and lacked the confidence).



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Then Jay, out of the clear blue sky, yells "It's a BOAT!!!"


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But I must tell you, that when I threw the third pair of balls, they kinda kicked the second set down a bit and dangled on them. Three balls on the orange pole was all it took to take home the boat and I guess I'll let you be the judge:


Since it's uncle Doyle's yard, he got to make the final call and he did in fact say, "If one pair of balls dangles on another pair...so long as the original pair is still in tact, it counts. It's a boat."



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It was luck. Pure and simple. And so I asked JD to take my picture next to the only balls I'll ever take credit for:


Shaun tried to argue the win. He did. But after uncle Doyle's rule, there wasn't much he could do. So he celebrated with me, like any good cousin would:

He's cute, huh?

Then Cody drove up in his golf cart and tried to hook my boat up:

And here's the inside:

And don't, for one second think that I cared about all that mess. I was just elated. I had won a BOAT. It's not every day that someone is lucky enough to win a boat.

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And it wasn't very long after all this that I found out the whole thing was a joke. I don't even think they knew who owned the boat. Or shoot- maybe they were just waiting for me to leave before someone really took off with their winnings.

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But there for a minute, I felt really lucky. I felt really cool, you know? Kinda like just winning a boat...but then not. Hard to describe. I mean, on one had, you try to be cool, you know- hide it like you do when you don't really get a joke but pretend you do...

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And on another hand, I felt like jumping in to a freezing cold Montana lake. So that's exactly what I did and JD was kind enough to take my picture right before I got warm enough to do it: (And if you think I didn't crop my legs out of this picture, you are kidding yourself. It's just that I try not to take myself too seriously and this is part of the story- plus, this is my new modbe swimsuit and it's stinkin' cute, k?)

This pic was taken 2 seconds before I jumped in the lake and 4 seconds before I lost my right contact.

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How lucky is THAT?

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Probably lucky enough to NOT pack and extra set of contacts.

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And not quite as lucky as blinking into a towel for YEARS to find it wrapped up behind my eye ball, iron it out flat with my finger, and use lake water to pop it back in my eye. And so as I laid on the dock trying to warm up (because I tell you what, the lake was FA-REEZING snow melt. No joke). Anyway, as I lay there, I saw this guy comin' after me so I grabbed my camera and snapped this:

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"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm going to take you out on this boat" he replied.

And so it ensued. The most romantic boat ride I've ever had the pleasure of taking.

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And I'm sorry. My husband is FA-REAKING cute.

My views from the front and the back (see above and below):

And JD's view: (I know I'm a total geek but as I said, I try not to take myself too seriously).

And as we paddled back, JD looked me straight in the eye and asked me a really off-the-wall question:

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"What are your thoughts?"

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And here's what I thought: I thought, what the heck? You know? How could I be so stupid to think I actually won a boat? What was I thinking? I must have looked like a total idiot getting all excited at the thought? I'd never 'won' anything. Why was I letting myself get all wrapped up in that. And then it hit me.

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I don't even believe in luck.

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Here I am. Sitting in this boat with the man of my dreams feeling un-lucky?

Give.Me.A.Break.

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Blessed. I am so incredibly blessed and I thank God for all of it- even for giving me a boat and then taking it back just so I could be reminded that luck doesn't exist.

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It just doesn't.