today i got my second post swearing-off pedicures, pedicure. i'm such a hypocrite.
today i picked HOT pink and waited extra long so it wouldn't smudge.
today we rented {3} movies AND got papa murphy's pizza for a night {in}. i realized tonight that our nights together as a family of {4} are numbered - and that's a good thing!
today ryan got 100 green army men and i got to watch my husband {teach} my son war.
today my {2} year old Gager bear told me that the stop sign at the end of our road is an ock-a-gon (octogon). oh, and it's the third consecutive day of no accidents!!! he is {practically} potty-trained.
today i cleaned the entire upstairs - and the kitchen. the nesting bug has bit me HARD. i scrubbed the inside of the washing machine and organized under both bathroom sinks. ryan helped with yellow gloves and gage pretended to paint everything with a clean paintbrush. when we were all finished ryan looked at me and said, 'whew. i think i'm just about ready for this baby'. amen, son. amen.
today jd and i had a {heart} to {heart}.
today i tried on a new outlook; one without fear. one with a {glass} that is fuller; that is more patient and a teeny bit more gentle. i tried to just let {today} be {today} and rest in knowing that it's already taken care of.
the {today} in two days, i'll have an amnio to test the baby's lung maturity. since i'm 38 weeks, it's very likely that he'll be ready and we can start the induction on tuesday of next week. i simply cannot wait to hold this baby in my arms...praying...praying...praying for a happy, healthy lil boy.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Super Man
I love the way this picture fits this song. He sure is a Super Man. And I sure love raising boys. Really and truly.
This morning, when I woke Ryan up for school he rubbed his eyes and asked "Is it time??? Are we going to the hospital?"
Something tells me he's not just dreaming about Peter Pan and hunting with his dad. Maybe Ryan's just as worried about this whole baby deliverin' process as the rest of us are. Maybe this little Super Man has spent too many {hours} listening to his dad and I talk about our fears.
Maybe it's time to teach Ryan more about the MAN who really is SUPER. You know - the One who can cast out fear? The One whose peace surpasses all understanding? Maybe it's time to teach Ryan what a real super hero is capable of. Perhaps it's time to balance those fear talks of ours with words of hope...and faith...and thanksgiving.
Funny what a {little} super man can teach you about a {big} super man, huh?
Goal #2: fear less.
This morning, when I woke Ryan up for school he rubbed his eyes and asked "Is it time??? Are we going to the hospital?"
Something tells me he's not just dreaming about Peter Pan and hunting with his dad. Maybe Ryan's just as worried about this whole baby deliverin' process as the rest of us are. Maybe this little Super Man has spent too many {hours} listening to his dad and I talk about our fears.
Maybe it's time to teach Ryan more about the MAN who really is SUPER. You know - the One who can cast out fear? The One whose peace surpasses all understanding? Maybe it's time to teach Ryan what a real super hero is capable of. Perhaps it's time to balance those fear talks of ours with words of hope...and faith...and thanksgiving.
Funny what a {little} super man can teach you about a {big} super man, huh?
Goal #2: fear less.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
just {speak}
We broke out the home movies tonight. It was the first time each of the boys saw their own birth - and don't worry, it was G-rated :)
It was weird though - experiencing those moments - and then watching them on TV. It felt like an out of body experience completely. My eyes were glued to the tube and I kept thinking, "Wait a minute...that's not how I remember it".
---
Like when JD's mom told me that a '10' on the pain scale was "getting your arm ripped off" when really it was 'tears'. I was wondering why the graphic next to a '10' was a sad face, and not a person in hysterics, missing an arm. Turns out, I could have had that epidural like 9,000 hours earlier than I got it. The video missed that.
---
Like every time JD slapped the cam in my face and said "whelp...what do you have to say?" and I lay there muscling my way through contraction after contraction.
---
Or like the part when after the doc said it was 'time', I threw up for 1/2 an hour.
---
It missed the part when our nurse stopped mid-delivery, stood from her stool, and lectured me about worrying...practically grabbing me by my fish cheeks and insisting that, "nothing bad is going to happen to this baby, now PUSH". Yup. The video missed that endearing moment.
---
What's weird is what the video DID capture.
---
I said absolutely nothing.
Nothing.
Nada.
I did.not.speak.a.word.
Through two deliveries...countless nurses...one great doctor...and a loving (and seemingly annoying narrator) husband...I said not.one.word during the laboring and delivery of both my sons.
---
So what does that 'say'?
---
Ryan caught on quick. While we were watching, he turned to me and said "Wow, mom. You were scared". He's a pretty observant lil bugger. And of course, Gage echoes a "yeah...scared". Perhaps the most insightful, though, was that annoying narrator of mine. :)
"This is your trauma, Lis. I think you were in shock for most if it."
---
Um, yeah. (palm to forehead)
---
What I thought would get me all geared up and confident that I can do this again, turned out to send me right back into that shell of a quiet place. The place with no words. The place where everything happens in super slow motion. It's a place where it's hard to speak and even harder to breathe. I'm knocking on the door of that place asking if I can come in and what I want to hear is, "No...you're not needed here".
---
Hoping in faith is my first step. Goal #1: speak this time.
It was weird though - experiencing those moments - and then watching them on TV. It felt like an out of body experience completely. My eyes were glued to the tube and I kept thinking, "Wait a minute...that's not how I remember it".
---
Like when JD's mom told me that a '10' on the pain scale was "getting your arm ripped off" when really it was 'tears'. I was wondering why the graphic next to a '10' was a sad face, and not a person in hysterics, missing an arm. Turns out, I could have had that epidural like 9,000 hours earlier than I got it. The video missed that.
---
Like every time JD slapped the cam in my face and said "whelp...what do you have to say?" and I lay there muscling my way through contraction after contraction.
---
Or like the part when after the doc said it was 'time', I threw up for 1/2 an hour.
---
It missed the part when our nurse stopped mid-delivery, stood from her stool, and lectured me about worrying...practically grabbing me by my fish cheeks and insisting that, "nothing bad is going to happen to this baby, now PUSH". Yup. The video missed that endearing moment.
---
What's weird is what the video DID capture.
---
I said absolutely nothing.
Nothing.
Nada.
I did.not.speak.a.word.
Through two deliveries...countless nurses...one great doctor...and a loving (and seemingly annoying narrator) husband...I said not.one.word during the laboring and delivery of both my sons.
---
So what does that 'say'?
---
Ryan caught on quick. While we were watching, he turned to me and said "Wow, mom. You were scared". He's a pretty observant lil bugger. And of course, Gage echoes a "yeah...scared". Perhaps the most insightful, though, was that annoying narrator of mine. :)
"This is your trauma, Lis. I think you were in shock for most if it."
---
Um, yeah. (palm to forehead)
---
What I thought would get me all geared up and confident that I can do this again, turned out to send me right back into that shell of a quiet place. The place with no words. The place where everything happens in super slow motion. It's a place where it's hard to speak and even harder to breathe. I'm knocking on the door of that place asking if I can come in and what I want to hear is, "No...you're not needed here".
---
Hoping in faith is my first step. Goal #1: speak this time.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Warning: Graphic Images Ahead!!!
Alright. Here it is. My friend, Maegan, who moved way too far away from me, had a child {almost} 2 years ago. Because she lives 100,000,000 miles away, I missed practically her entire pregnancy! Not cool. So I begged her to send me a bare belly pregnancy picture just so I could feel more of a part of her pregnancy. So Maeg, this here's for you ;)
First pic- cause it'll be the first thing most people see when they hit this blog. I have to be honest about this one though. I have this 'magic' mirror. The reflection takes off about 20 lbs. I love this mirror and so does everyone else who looks into it. I don't care that it lies. In fact, I like that it lies. So this here, this pic? It's not really the truth, if you wanna know the truth...ha!!!
This one is actually more like it. JD and I were having a nice conversation. Can you tell??? lol. Hey- but see that new ironing board cover in the background. Don't think I wasn't excited about that $7.99 gem!!!
OMGosh. I can't believe I'm going this. Maegan, THIS is how much I love you. Good grief.
First pic- cause it'll be the first thing most people see when they hit this blog. I have to be honest about this one though. I have this 'magic' mirror. The reflection takes off about 20 lbs. I love this mirror and so does everyone else who looks into it. I don't care that it lies. In fact, I like that it lies. So this here, this pic? It's not really the truth, if you wanna know the truth...ha!!!
This one is actually more like it. JD and I were having a nice conversation. Can you tell??? lol. Hey- but see that new ironing board cover in the background. Don't think I wasn't excited about that $7.99 gem!!!
OMGosh. I can't believe I'm going this. Maegan, THIS is how much I love you. Good grief.
It looks inhuman.
It feels inhuman.
It feels like my skin is going to rip in half.
---
BUT
---
He's moving.
and dancing.
and hiccuping.
and rolling.
and punching.
and stretching.
and growing.
and breathing.
and we can't possibly be any more excited! Ready-to-rip skin and all ;)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Scaling Back
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I was raised to believe that I can bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan. And I can but the older I get, the more I realize the act of balance is sometimes a tricky one. Sometimes frying up bacon is the least of my worries and, well, I could sometimes even care less to bring any more home.
Today I resigned from NJr Honor Society Advisor. My heart literally jumped as I hit 'send' on the formal resignation letter to my principal and superintendent at 3:05pm.
I was worried. Worried that resigning = failure. Worried how the letter 'might' be perceived by our school board. Worried that I had to surrender; admit that I couldn't do it all. Worried that I'd regret my decision and miss that {special kind} of interaction with kids. Worried that I'd feel defeated...or deflated...or disappointed because of what I was about to do. I was worried. And I'm pretty good at worry, so it felt normal. Normal to me.
It was odd though. I hit that button and felt instant relief; the kind you get when you know what you did was the {right} thing, even if it was a hard thing. The kind of relief you get when you not only think you're on the right road...but you {feel} it too. Today I felt like my actions matched my words. My desire to spend {more} energy at home and truly leave my {work} when I need to...well, that desire just became a little bit more of a reality. I'm a person who gathers up a lot to do around the edges- just because it's who I am and what I do. I volunteer a lot and sit on a lot of different committees. I did that early on in my career (aka- before kids) but now I'm learning that it's time to scale back...and I'm not the best at drawing lines in the sand but today, I dug that line so deep you'd think I knew what I was doing :)
Today, I scaled back even though it was tough. It didn't equal fear...or regret. In fact, it was the exact opposite. Today, scaling back felt better than ever.
Waxing and waning...that's life. Sometimes it's time to wax and sometimes, it's time to wane. Balance. Scaling back. Looking {in} and making {adjustments}...even when it's tough.
Today I resigned from NJr Honor Society Advisor. My heart literally jumped as I hit 'send' on the formal resignation letter to my principal and superintendent at 3:05pm.
I was worried. Worried that resigning = failure. Worried how the letter 'might' be perceived by our school board. Worried that I had to surrender; admit that I couldn't do it all. Worried that I'd regret my decision and miss that {special kind} of interaction with kids. Worried that I'd feel defeated...or deflated...or disappointed because of what I was about to do. I was worried. And I'm pretty good at worry, so it felt normal. Normal to me.
It was odd though. I hit that button and felt instant relief; the kind you get when you know what you did was the {right} thing, even if it was a hard thing. The kind of relief you get when you not only think you're on the right road...but you {feel} it too. Today I felt like my actions matched my words. My desire to spend {more} energy at home and truly leave my {work} when I need to...well, that desire just became a little bit more of a reality. I'm a person who gathers up a lot to do around the edges- just because it's who I am and what I do. I volunteer a lot and sit on a lot of different committees. I did that early on in my career (aka- before kids) but now I'm learning that it's time to scale back...and I'm not the best at drawing lines in the sand but today, I dug that line so deep you'd think I knew what I was doing :)
Today, I scaled back even though it was tough. It didn't equal fear...or regret. In fact, it was the exact opposite. Today, scaling back felt better than ever.
Waxing and waning...that's life. Sometimes it's time to wax and sometimes, it's time to wane. Balance. Scaling back. Looking {in} and making {adjustments}...even when it's tough.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Boy's Room
One of the biggest 'to dos' for me now that the 'due' date is getting closer, has been to move Gage into the same room as Ryan. Originally, when we bought Ryan a bunk bed for Christmas three years ago, this transition was going to be easy. One bunk bed=two excited boys.
Not so.
Ryan refuses to sleep on the top (just because). And Gage just canNOT be trusted up there. So, what was once an easy move-in became an all-out disassembly of the bed. Then I had to rack my brain to figure out a way to make them both {fit} into such a teeny, tiny room. It was tough, but we got er done.
Here's what I came up with:
I got the quilts at TJMaxx for $29 and was sooo excited about it. To me, they just scream "All American Boy". The only other new item in the room is that little lamp...got it at WalMart for $10 and it's already broke. Grrr...
JD and I actually did a little "Trading Spaces" and had a bit reveal for the boys. When they saw their new room, they were so excited! They both started jumping on the beds screaming, "It's just like Peter Pan!!!" So with that...I decided to rip out a few pages of their favorite storyline and frame them on the wall...I love the saying above each of their beds: One says "Hullo Tink" and the other says "the wondering boys". Perfect.
This is the framed picture of Captain Hook, which...according to Ryan...HAS to come down every night. He's decided it makes a better Lego holder. Captain Hook is safer when he's covered up by Legos.
Not so.
Ryan refuses to sleep on the top (just because). And Gage just canNOT be trusted up there. So, what was once an easy move-in became an all-out disassembly of the bed. Then I had to rack my brain to figure out a way to make them both {fit} into such a teeny, tiny room. It was tough, but we got er done.
Here's what I came up with:
I got the quilts at TJMaxx for $29 and was sooo excited about it. To me, they just scream "All American Boy". The only other new item in the room is that little lamp...got it at WalMart for $10 and it's already broke. Grrr...
JD and I actually did a little "Trading Spaces" and had a bit reveal for the boys. When they saw their new room, they were so excited! They both started jumping on the beds screaming, "It's just like Peter Pan!!!" So with that...I decided to rip out a few pages of their favorite storyline and frame them on the wall...I love the saying above each of their beds: One says "Hullo Tink" and the other says "the wondering boys". Perfect.
This is the framed picture of Captain Hook, which...according to Ryan...HAS to come down every night. He's decided it makes a better Lego holder. Captain Hook is safer when he's covered up by Legos.
I got his hangy thing at IKEA a few years ago. I had high hopes for it...thought it would be really functional...turns out, it just kinda hangs there and looks cute.
And this picture is just a sign of the times. That baseball is signed by Ken Griffy Jr, but to Ryan it's as good as gold. He thinks Babe Ruth signed it.
And this picture is just a sign of the times. That baseball is signed by Ken Griffy Jr, but to Ryan it's as good as gold. He thinks Babe Ruth signed it.
Anyway, that's the room...finally finished. Now if I could just get the nursery ready...
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