i had no idea {my} walk started the moment jd and i hesitantly agreed. we'd never really heard of it before but both agreed that whatever it was, it was probably time.
and so it began. a spiritual warfare of sorts beginning with my loving husband working what felt like endless double shifts, children who needed {this} and {that}, a new job with new twists and turns, demands and celebrations. it all sort of amounted to a pile of tears and a heart that just.didn't.want.to.
i'm lazy like that.
after {loving} teenagers alllll day and then pouring out my heart and soul to my little family of {5}, there wasn't a whole lot left for god.and.i.
sometimes i'd rather sit and veg in front of a mindless tv and absorb life through other's living than get up and work on mine. that awesome little habit of 'watching life happen' began about a year ago and has slowly eaten away my insides since it's beginning.
so picture it. {my} walk with Christ. {my} time to pick up my boot straps (or my blinged out tom's as it be) tether my soul to my pride and drag it to Spokane in hopes of meeting Christ face to face. what would Christ want with me anyway? i'd pretty much done a great job poisoning myself and i was pretty sure i'd be unrecognizable as far as He was concerned.
picture it.
a church i don't know filled with women i don't know. i am literally dropped off by my loving sponsors and fed to a crowd of friendly, unfamiliar faces. i had a bunch of ice breaker 'boxes' to fill in and a quick glance over my choices solidified my feeling that i didn't belong. ever made a sadle? know how to crochet? made a rhubarb pie in the past year? i couldn't sign anyone's paper because i was looking for things like 'gets less than four hours of sleep every night' and 'is addicted to real housewives'. clearly this room was closer to God than i. was it too late to run???
i don't do well in situations like this. i mean, i know i'm a teacher and all and that makes me probably a little more outgoing than most, but i would really just rather keep to myself and sit in the corner reading a book thank.you.very.much. :)
God had other plans. He always does. {thankfully}
you see, i needed a little more time to get my life in order a bit...you know, read the bible more regularly, have a better attitude about working in the nursery at church, and treat my husband a little nicer. i mean, didn't God know that i {just} got a new job and we {just} celebrated 4 birthdays at my house? we've been kinda busy and once i had my life a little more under control, i'd figure God would be a little more interested in why i was at the church waiting to meet him....
turns out, he was waiting for me. and of course, he knew i'd come in an all screwed up kind of way. he pretty much knows me like that. so there I was, septic as all get out standing before the King with my own little agenda and a few questions in one hand and a box of tissues in the other.
-to be continued-
