I {thought} my water broke this morning.
Seriously. I did.
---
I should preface this by saying that I've never had my water 'naturally' break.
...and yeah, I realize that by kiddo {4} a person {should} have that pretty much figured out.
---
but I don't so yeah, {thought} my water broke. Not good. Turns out....ya learn something new every day and I'll spare you the details :)
.
More to the point is what I learned today when my ever-loving husband asked me how far along I {really} was...because, you know...life is happening all around us and as the days turn into weeks, it's getting tough to keep up.
Sadly, I wasn't exactly sure so I googled a pregnancy calendar and input all my dates.
Turns out I'm 32 weeks and 5 days. Turns out my due date is a little {sooner} than expected. Turns out that if {everything} turns out, it looks like we might meet this new little man on March 3rd and not March 25th.
MARCH 3rd.
Um, excuse me while I {think} about a heart attack.
Are we ready?
Is {he} ready?
Can we {really} do this?
...ready or not...
(please pray with us. this is so scary)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Getting {there}
Whelp. I'm 31 weeks pregnant. Little boy blue is very active but it's funny- he goes right to bed at 10pm. He's loving breakfast burritos from Jack In the Box but I'm craving celery, peanut butter, and raisins (together, of course). I have only gained 3 lbs this month so far...my 'usual' is around 10, so I'm pretty excited :) I'm getting HUGE and hugely uncomfortable.
I'm {ready}. I think. And if I'm not...I'm getting {there}
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I {still} Believe
I {almost} had gestational diabetes.
---
Low carb/high protein diets aren't really much fun. Especially if you tend to lean on the 'I'm pregnant so I can eat anything I want' excuse, like I do.
---
This baby still has the {parts} that make him a BOY :)
---
He's about 3 lbs
---
I have placenta previa which means that I'm likely to have a C-section and will need a lot of monitoring.
---
I {almost} thought I wasn't in the 'high risk' pregnancy category anymore.
---
This whole coffee habit thing I've got going on has got.to.stop (and has).
---
How can some people JOG during pregnancy and I can barely walk?
---
Why does my doctor prefer the words 'advanced maternal age' over just saying it like it is - OLD?
---
I'm 30 weeks pregnant.
---
In less than 2 months, I get to hold this lil guy. And rock him. And sing to him. And kiss his tiny little toes. And bathe him. And put him in the front pouch for walks. And listen to his lil mousy cries. And pinch his tiny little nose (gently, of course).
---
Ryan is ready. He asks me every day if the baby is going to come out.
---
Gage kisses my belly and says "Hi beeeeebeeeeee".
---
I don't think JD knows what's happening... :)
---
Just when I {think} I'm ready, I freak out a little bit.
---
I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm terrified. I want to fall asleep and wake up with this baby in my arms. I'm afraid of the unknown. I'm afraid of the known. I'm not 'counting my chickens' but can I just let someone know that I want my chicken??? safe. And sound. I'm wondering how my other boys got here. I'm dreading the delivery. I'm terrified that I can't do it.
---
These (and many like these) thoughts have been running miles on my brain lately.
---
Last night as my {other kids} were getting on the bus, I got an email alert that a massive 7.0 earthquake had just struck the island nation of Haiti.
---
There were unknowns.
---
There were knowns.
---
I thought about the intensity of an earthquake that size; what it must be like to {live} it. Then I went home and my {normal} thoughts began cycling through my mind again.
---
The next morning, we located Haiti on a map. We circled it. We wrote 7.0 next to it. We talked about the Richter Scale and what 7.0 means. We compared a 7.0 to the 6.5 Northern California experienced last week. We didn't have a lot of {news} but we {knew} what happened. And circled it on the map.
---
Then later today, I saw the videos.
---
The videos that showed that Haiti isn't really Haiti anymore.
---
The videos that were accompanied by the sounds of mothers who were holding their dead children in their arms. I didn't see them, but I recognized the chill in their voices.
---
Videos with no words because the pictures were enough.
---
Videos of orphanages with tiny children in white, wooden boxes.
---
Videos of entire families laying dead in the streets; of entire kindergarten classes killed by collapsing school walls.
---
With my jaw dropped and tears in my eyes, I forced myself to be exposed to the tragedy. I forced myself to do more than circle it on a map. I forced myself to let me heart feel it and change because of it.
---
How is your heart different today than it was yesterday?
---
How is the way you {see} changed because of what you've {allowed} to change you? I can circle things on a map. I can pile up thoughts that will eat me alive. That's the easy part. But changing...well, that's the hard part.
---
I {still} believe that God is greater than a 7.0; That His love transcends circumstance and His promise of eternal life springs hope that really can soothe the cry of a mother's empty arms.
---
I {still} believe. And today, those thoughts...the ones that I so often allow to consume me and fill me up with fear? The ones that can change me without my knowing it (and sometimes even without my permission). Yeah, I guess I just don't see the magnitude of them the same today as I did yesterday.
---
I'm trying to {see} the unseen. I'm trying to live out of fear's shadow.
---
Low carb/high protein diets aren't really much fun. Especially if you tend to lean on the 'I'm pregnant so I can eat anything I want' excuse, like I do.
---
This baby still has the {parts} that make him a BOY :)
---
He's about 3 lbs
---
I have placenta previa which means that I'm likely to have a C-section and will need a lot of monitoring.
---
I {almost} thought I wasn't in the 'high risk' pregnancy category anymore.
---
This whole coffee habit thing I've got going on has got.to.stop (and has).
---
How can some people JOG during pregnancy and I can barely walk?
---
Why does my doctor prefer the words 'advanced maternal age' over just saying it like it is - OLD?
---
I'm 30 weeks pregnant.
---
In less than 2 months, I get to hold this lil guy. And rock him. And sing to him. And kiss his tiny little toes. And bathe him. And put him in the front pouch for walks. And listen to his lil mousy cries. And pinch his tiny little nose (gently, of course).
---
Ryan is ready. He asks me every day if the baby is going to come out.
---
Gage kisses my belly and says "Hi beeeeebeeeeee".
---
I don't think JD knows what's happening... :)
---
Just when I {think} I'm ready, I freak out a little bit.
---
I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm terrified. I want to fall asleep and wake up with this baby in my arms. I'm afraid of the unknown. I'm afraid of the known. I'm not 'counting my chickens' but can I just let someone know that I want my chicken??? safe. And sound. I'm wondering how my other boys got here. I'm dreading the delivery. I'm terrified that I can't do it.
---
These (and many like these) thoughts have been running miles on my brain lately.
---
Last night as my {other kids} were getting on the bus, I got an email alert that a massive 7.0 earthquake had just struck the island nation of Haiti.
---
There were unknowns.
---
There were knowns.
---
I thought about the intensity of an earthquake that size; what it must be like to {live} it. Then I went home and my {normal} thoughts began cycling through my mind again.
---
The next morning, we located Haiti on a map. We circled it. We wrote 7.0 next to it. We talked about the Richter Scale and what 7.0 means. We compared a 7.0 to the 6.5 Northern California experienced last week. We didn't have a lot of {news} but we {knew} what happened. And circled it on the map.
---
Then later today, I saw the videos.
---
The videos that showed that Haiti isn't really Haiti anymore.
---
The videos that were accompanied by the sounds of mothers who were holding their dead children in their arms. I didn't see them, but I recognized the chill in their voices.
---
Videos with no words because the pictures were enough.
---
Videos of orphanages with tiny children in white, wooden boxes.
---
Videos of entire families laying dead in the streets; of entire kindergarten classes killed by collapsing school walls.
---
With my jaw dropped and tears in my eyes, I forced myself to be exposed to the tragedy. I forced myself to do more than circle it on a map. I forced myself to let me heart feel it and change because of it.
---
How is your heart different today than it was yesterday?
---
How is the way you {see} changed because of what you've {allowed} to change you? I can circle things on a map. I can pile up thoughts that will eat me alive. That's the easy part. But changing...well, that's the hard part.
---
I {still} believe that God is greater than a 7.0; That His love transcends circumstance and His promise of eternal life springs hope that really can soothe the cry of a mother's empty arms.
---
I {still} believe. And today, those thoughts...the ones that I so often allow to consume me and fill me up with fear? The ones that can change me without my knowing it (and sometimes even without my permission). Yeah, I guess I just don't see the magnitude of them the same today as I did yesterday.
---
I'm trying to {see} the unseen. I'm trying to live out of fear's shadow.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
{LOOK}
A few weeks ago, Ryan's teacher let me know she thought he was having trouble seeing. You wouldn't know it though, with the targets he can shoot! HA. We took him to the pediatrician, who informed us he was seeing about 20/50...then made an appt with the optometrist right away.
Turns out he does take after me a {little bit}. He's got my vision (sorry, Ry). No WONDER he's been wanting to play with my glasses all the time!!! And I've been telling him, "No...you don't want to play with my glasses because it'll mess your eyes up". Who knew it was making things clearer for him?
Gotta love teachers who pay attention, eh?
Saturday, January 2, 2010
It {amazes} Me
It simply amazes me how much this kid is like me:
Sometimes when he's throwing a rip-roaring fit in the middle of public, I just look down at him and laugh because I {know} those roots run deep. Passion, is what I like to call it.
He keeps to himself.
Prefers to be by himself.
Sometimes when he's throwing a rip-roaring fit in the middle of public, I just look down at him and laugh because I {know} those roots run deep. Passion, is what I like to call it.
He keeps to himself.
Prefers to be by himself.
Always learning. Always exploring. Always asking.
Always making. Always searching. 
Always building. Always creating. Always expressing.
---
It simply amazes me how this kid is just like his dad:
Always building. Always creating. Always expressing.
Always working. Always wondering.
---
Never a dull moment. Never a bore.
Never a dull moment. Never a bore.
---
And when the two of these guys get together, well...watch out, because they make quite a team! ;)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Because That's How We Do Things: Frog Hunt '09
We all know JD hunts. But you might not know that he's actually pretty good about noticing 'stuff' around him too. When he got home from his last hunt, he told me about this frozen pond with "500 or so frogs beneath the ice". Obviously, I didn't believe him. Maybe it was because he said they were bullfrogs and since his explanation of catching bullfrogs with a red string and fishing line as a kid, I have become a wee-bit obsessed with finding these seemingly invisible amphibians. The temptation that 500 of them could be trapped beneath the ice awaiting my investigation was almost simply too good to be true.
My response to my own disbelief was simple: I guess I'm just going to have to see it for myself then. The enthusiasm spread and soon, the 'frog hunt' was a family affair.
I think it's important that you know something first. When going to look at frogs that are frozen beneath a pond, it's imperative that you pack some kind of ice cracking tool. Like, for instance, this rock hammer:
If you don't have a handy device like this one, then you'll end up doing like JD did and try shooting a hole through the ice with your shotgun. Not very smart, if you ask me. (oh, and just so you know...he did the shooting when he was hunting, not when all the kids were standing around looking at the pond) :) Still not very smart though. If you ask me.
We finally arrived at the pond and sure enough....500 frogs beneath the surface of the ice. They weren't bull frogs though. At least not that I could tell but I'm certainly no frog expert.
My response to my own disbelief was simple: I guess I'm just going to have to see it for myself then. The enthusiasm spread and soon, the 'frog hunt' was a family affair.
I think it's important that you know something first. When going to look at frogs that are frozen beneath a pond, it's imperative that you pack some kind of ice cracking tool. Like, for instance, this rock hammer:
If you don't have a handy device like this one, then you'll end up doing like JD did and try shooting a hole through the ice with your shotgun. Not very smart, if you ask me. (oh, and just so you know...he did the shooting when he was hunting, not when all the kids were standing around looking at the pond) :) Still not very smart though. If you ask me.
We finally arrived at the pond and sure enough....500 frogs beneath the surface of the ice. They weren't bull frogs though. At least not that I could tell but I'm certainly no frog expert.
...and like a said, a family affair.
And as we all stand around trying to find the biggest, fattiest frogs we can, JD starts pulling them out one by one and laying them on a rock. Can you just feel the excitement? They were still pretty sleepy at this point.
Did you know that hibernating frogs don't breathe? Well, they do actually but it's through their skin. I didn't know that 'til I googled it after this trip. It's amazing the science you can learn when you just see something weird...like 500 frogs frozen in a pond. Some frogs even 'hibernate' from the heat and burrow into mud holes. But that's not called hibernation, it's called estivation. Neat, huh? Frogs are cold blooded hibernators, which is kinda weird to me- like an oxymoron. If they're cold blooded, you'd think they'd be just fine in the cold. Bees are cold blooded hibernators too though, did you know that? I'd like to wake a wasp up slowly and then light its wings on fire. I hate wasps. All they are good for is stingin' my babies anyway! hUMPH. Does that make me weird?
Oh, and did I tell you that JD is also the frog-whisperer? He can literally put a frog to sleep by rubbing it's belly. It's weird.
These little hibernators were all just huddled up here ready for their winter's nap. That is, until a shotgun blast through the ice, a rock hammer chipping away at the window to their world, and screaming on-lookers changed their world forever.
But I will say that it's whole lot easier to explain hibernation to a kid when you can see the sleeping frogs, get one, and wake 'em up.
About this time, JD looked at me and saw the fire in my eyes.
"Catch one, JAY!"
and if you know JD well, then you aware that he doesn't disappoint in the 'catch one' department. Once he caught a finch in mid flight just because I said he couldn't.
And what's even funnier is he always responds with the same question,
"Which one do you want?"
And as we all stand around trying to find the biggest, fattiest frogs we can, JD starts pulling them out one by one and laying them on a rock. Can you just feel the excitement? They were still pretty sleepy at this point.
Did you know that hibernating frogs don't breathe? Well, they do actually but it's through their skin. I didn't know that 'til I googled it after this trip. It's amazing the science you can learn when you just see something weird...like 500 frogs frozen in a pond. Some frogs even 'hibernate' from the heat and burrow into mud holes. But that's not called hibernation, it's called estivation. Neat, huh? Frogs are cold blooded hibernators, which is kinda weird to me- like an oxymoron. If they're cold blooded, you'd think they'd be just fine in the cold. Bees are cold blooded hibernators too though, did you know that? I'd like to wake a wasp up slowly and then light its wings on fire. I hate wasps. All they are good for is stingin' my babies anyway! hUMPH. Does that make me weird?
back to frogs....
Oh, and did I tell you that JD is also the frog-whisperer? He can literally put a frog to sleep by rubbing it's belly. It's weird.
And if you think he can put me to sleep that way, you're out of your mind. He knows to stay away from my belly.
These little hibernators were all just huddled up here ready for their winter's nap. That is, until a shotgun blast through the ice, a rock hammer chipping away at the window to their world, and screaming on-lookers changed their world forever.
I'd like to say that JD rubbed their bellies until they fell back into their peaceful slumber, but the truth is we just dropped them back in their hole.
We didn't take any home.
We didn't take any home.
We didn't eat any.
We just put them right back. :)
But I will say that it's whole lot easier to explain hibernation to a kid when you can see the sleeping frogs, get one, and wake 'em up.
Thanks for yet {another} family adventure JD :)
Monday, December 28, 2009
I'm BACK! (and randomness)
Okay...so I'm super excited because my laptop is up and running again. My brother did most (okay, ALL) of the work and one hard drive later, I'm back (minus several pictures and some tax information but back nonetheless). Finicky hard drives anyway.
and as for the randomness...I feel like I haven't really 'talked' to anyone lately. We have certainly been living in our bubble lately. Not without good reason though.
Christmas eve was not a traditional one at our house. We usually go to a candle light service somewhere and then head to my mom and dad's to play games and eat soup. Instead, I spent half of the evening drifting in and out of sleep...and then all of the night trying to keep warm in the tub and throwing up between bouts of warmth. It was a real treat, let me just say.
----
JD played santa. He set out the cookies with the boys....he read them their books....he waited 'til they drifted off to sleep and started putting some 'things' together. I slept. And puked.
Ryan loved his 'powerful scooter'.
Gage was delighted with his four pack of mini dye cast jets and has yet to cease singing "Highway to the Danger Zone".
It was {perfect} even if I couldn't sit straight up.
---
This Christmas has been kinda weird for me. I've been having these random thoughts about Jesus...thoughts at odd moments but they all tied together in a divinely woven way. Funny how that works. Maybe it's the whole 'being pregnant' thing going on...but my lens this Christmas was fixated on the baby Jesus.
---
Like when I heard a song on the radio that talked about how the same hands of baby Jesus that were reaching toward the sky....those same hands created the stars. Think about THAT for a moment.
---
And when, at The Living Nativity, the narrator said "The creator became the created". Wow.
---
As Ryan and I walked hand in hand back to the truck after The Living Nativity, he asked "And where does baby Jesus go after the show?" Sometimes it's best with Ryan, to just answer, "I don't know" so that's exactly what I did.
His response?
"Probably back to our hearts."
---
I {hope} in some way {truth} was revealed to you this Christmas.
and as for the randomness...I feel like I haven't really 'talked' to anyone lately. We have certainly been living in our bubble lately. Not without good reason though.
Christmas eve was not a traditional one at our house. We usually go to a candle light service somewhere and then head to my mom and dad's to play games and eat soup. Instead, I spent half of the evening drifting in and out of sleep...and then all of the night trying to keep warm in the tub and throwing up between bouts of warmth. It was a real treat, let me just say.
----
JD played santa. He set out the cookies with the boys....he read them their books....he waited 'til they drifted off to sleep and started putting some 'things' together. I slept. And puked.
Ryan loved his 'powerful scooter'.
Gage was delighted with his four pack of mini dye cast jets and has yet to cease singing "Highway to the Danger Zone".
It was {perfect} even if I couldn't sit straight up.
---
This Christmas has been kinda weird for me. I've been having these random thoughts about Jesus...thoughts at odd moments but they all tied together in a divinely woven way. Funny how that works. Maybe it's the whole 'being pregnant' thing going on...but my lens this Christmas was fixated on the baby Jesus.
---
Like when I heard a song on the radio that talked about how the same hands of baby Jesus that were reaching toward the sky....those same hands created the stars. Think about THAT for a moment.
---
And when, at The Living Nativity, the narrator said "The creator became the created". Wow.
---
As Ryan and I walked hand in hand back to the truck after The Living Nativity, he asked "And where does baby Jesus go after the show?" Sometimes it's best with Ryan, to just answer, "I don't know" so that's exactly what I did.
His response?
"Probably back to our hearts."
---
I {hope} in some way {truth} was revealed to you this Christmas.
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