A New Year

I'm alive. The family is alive. And hopefully in 2012, this blog will have a little more {life} in it as well. Looking forward to a comeback!

{1,000}

When something in your life is OF God, you have to share it. You just do. And when the proverbial 'wind' blows, you must chime. You must. You must {move}.

Consider this my first move. Movement.

God certainly works in mysterious ways; perhaps growing less mystical as time passes on. When I look back on the last year or so, there are pieces. Big ones; little ones. Pieces that seem to fit while others sort of hang in the balance. I guess it's not surprising to me (and yet is at the same time) when I pick up a book and am shocked by the way it seems to sew the pieces of the last year together.

Ann Voskamp. She's a blogger that a dear friend of mine suggested I read. Her writing style is free verse poetry and I'd describe her sentence structure as backward. Instead of writing, 'the dog ran down the road' Ann would write, 'down the road, the dog ran'. For some, it's frustrating to read. But for me...her words, they are like a lullaby for my heart. For the first time in my life I pay no attention to punctuation. The message is sung straight to my soul. Anyway, Ann wrote a book that sat for almost an entire month in my Amazon cart. Since its arrival, I haven't been able to put it down.

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If you had to make a list of 1,000 'things' in your life that you love...1,000 ways you are blessed...1,000 gifts...could you? 1,000. It's a scary number, especially when it starts with 1.

I started my list last night.

1. A husband who loves deeply.
2. Friendship and french fries.
3. "Mama" through a toothy grin.
4. The delete button on facebook.


"This act of naming grace moments, this list of God's gifts, moves beyond the shopping list variety of prayer and into the other side. The other side of prayer, the interior of His throne room, the inner walls of His powerful, love-beating heart. The list is God's list, the pulse of His love - the love that thrums on the other side of our prayers. And I see it now for what this really is, this dare to write down one thousand things I love. It really is a dare to name all the ways that God loves me. The true Love Dare. To move into His presence and listen to His love unending and know the grace uncontainable. This is the vault of the miracles. The only thing that can change us, the world, is this - all His love." from One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp (2011)

Won't you fall in love one way at a time? Unwrap the gift He has given by giving it a name (and number).

Christmas with Ryan

Any idea what's inside a box that looks like this? Cause Ryan can guess in a heartbeat ;)

These little helicopters are so much fun. This is his third one ... maybe this time he'll get a chance to break it before his dad does! hahahahaa

Christmas with Gage

To Infinity...and BEYOND!!!

Showing Woody to Uncle Aaron (who is in Iraq)...

learning to hunt with daddy...

Christmas with {Jaxson}

Isn't it amazing?

(this pic at Olivia's grave site was taken with the 12 second timer feature on my camera ... from the hood of our car!)

Isn't it amazing how {hope} can {change} you?

What I {see}

What is the difference between vision and sight? Because if you had asked me that two months ago, I would have told you they are practically the same. Ryan can see. Yep. He's got the vision thing down.

Trust me now; vision and sight are not the same. And I had no idea how wrong I was!

Sight is the ability to see. Sight is what a doctor measures when they ask you to interpret those letters on a line from 20 feet away. The idea is, 20 correct letters at 20 feet away = perfect eye sight. Neat.

Vision is totally different. It's the way the brain senses and anticipates what the eyes take in. It's related more to perception and cognition than retina, rods, and cones. It's where sight meets reading...and math...and football...and the list goes on...and on.
It's where the brain and ultimately the heart, take the eyes over.
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Ryan has been going through a series of treatments to {teach} his eyes to work better as a team; to 'beef' up his vision. He's been faithfully practicing his eye exercises every night and he's showing progress already which is SO very exciting! This vision trick though, it's still tough. It still takes a little while. It's still a struggle.

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But I can't help it. There's a lesson in this. My heart is {tugged}. What is it, God?

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Ryan, sitting at the counter with me opposite him. "Come on, Ryan, don't be a quitter" I say as he gives in to the last exercise. Him resorting to tears, grabbing at his head, "I don't like being like this mom...I don't like my brain not working".

*hand to the chest*

silence.

The honesty in those words stop me in my tracks. Have I taught my son to feel inadequate? Have I instilled a sense of inferiority {already}? And with tender hesitation I remind him that God has made him perfect.
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I can't help but think of my own vision, or lack thereof. And so therein lies the lesson. It's as if God is screaming to me the parallel between Ryan's treatment and my walk with Him.

What can 30 minutes of 'daily training' do for my vision? Not my sight, but my vision? Well, I'm about to find out. And won't you join me?

Be thou my vision, oh Lord (and Ryan's too) :)