Scaling Back

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I was raised to believe that I can bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan. And I can but the older I get, the more I realize the act of balance is sometimes a tricky one. Sometimes frying up bacon is the least of my worries and, well, I could sometimes even care less to bring any more home.



Today I resigned from NJr Honor Society Advisor. My heart literally jumped as I hit 'send' on the formal resignation letter to my principal and superintendent at 3:05pm.



I was worried. Worried that resigning = failure. Worried how the letter 'might' be perceived by our school board. Worried that I had to surrender; admit that I couldn't do it all. Worried that I'd regret my decision and miss that {special kind} of interaction with kids. Worried that I'd feel defeated...or deflated...or disappointed because of what I was about to do. I was worried. And I'm pretty good at worry, so it felt normal. Normal to me.



It was odd though. I hit that button and felt instant relief; the kind you get when you know what you did was the {right} thing, even if it was a hard thing. The kind of relief you get when you not only think you're on the right road...but you {feel} it too. Today I felt like my actions matched my words. My desire to spend {more} energy at home and truly leave my {work} when I need to...well, that desire just became a little bit more of a reality. I'm a person who gathers up a lot to do around the edges- just because it's who I am and what I do. I volunteer a lot and sit on a lot of different committees. I did that early on in my career (aka- before kids) but now I'm learning that it's time to scale back...and I'm not the best at drawing lines in the sand but today, I dug that line so deep you'd think I knew what I was doing :)

Today, I scaled back even though it was tough. It didn't equal fear...or regret. In fact, it was the exact opposite. Today, scaling back felt better than ever.

Waxing and waning...that's life. Sometimes it's time to wax and sometimes, it's time to wane. Balance. Scaling back. Looking {in} and making {adjustments}...even when it's tough.