me & {jax}

It's tough to sit in front of a camera when you're a {new} mom....but it's important :)

Sweet little Jax is doing great. He's already gaining weight (8 1/2 lbs now!) and is starting to sleep like a champ. My friend, Amy, convinced my to buy a moby wrap (it's like a baby Bjorn but way better) and I LOVE it. It holds him close and he loves to hang out in there. I keep telling JD that I must have some native blood in me because I prefer to carry my babies close to my body as opposed to in a stroller or carseat.

Ryan and Gage are super great BIG brothers too! Gage has really warmed up to Jax and hugs him allll the time. I think he watches how Ryan is with him and copies that, but I'll take whatever I can get so long as he's lovin' on his lil bro! :) It was touch and go there for a while, so it's nice to see a turn around.

Whelp, this post just turned into a little update. I feel like such a bloggin' slacker lately! I have some pics from my birthday to post...so I'll do that soon! Hope ya'll are enjoying your spring break!!!

{dad}

There's nothing quite like becoming a parent.

And there's nothing quite like becoming a parent with someone you {love}.

When you've stared an uncertain future in the face...and have had to bury a child...have endured the pain and {joy} of becoming a parent...and have grown together with someone you treasure, well...there's nothing comparable. When I think of all the things I love about JD the list is long...but right up there near the top is my love for how he fathers.


He's hands-on, to say the least.

He changes diapers. He's up with me in the middle of the night. He drives his kids to school and volunteers for field trips. He wakes up extra early and makes orders-on-request style breakfasts. He fishes and camps and hunts and shoots with his boys. He sits at the table and explains that a 'g' looks like a fish hook for the umpteenth millionth time. He reads stories with character voices and prays with his boys. He is a great {dad}.

Take, for example, this stork.


When Olivia died, I remember breaking down in the front yard because we were home...without the pink 'Welcome Home' balloons; without the gleeful announcement of her arrival. I told JD then, that {if} we ever had another child, I wanted a stork in our front yard. At the time, he promised me a giant-sized one, complete with flashing Christmas lights and a neon blinking sign that read "FINALLY". When Ryan was born, JD emerged from the garage with this beaut and we've used it ever since...

At the time, I wasn't sure that he'd ever be a {dad}.
At the time, I didn't realize how good {dad} would look on him and I am SO grateful that now I know.

{home}

We're {home} and we're just spendin' our time lovin'.

Baby Jax had a rough night last night but thankfully, he spent today recovering. :) He's the sweetest little baby ever and I'm struggling to put him down.

Funny how new babies change you.

Welcome {to the planet} Jaxson

Introducing the newest member of our family!!!!

Jaxson Thomas (Jax)
7 lbs 10 ozs ; 20 in long
born March 7th at 9:30pm

There are {few} words to describe how we feel right now; "Thank you, Jesus" is pretty much it.

Jaxson lived.

I lived.

I got the epidural.

I didn't feel hardly anything.

I spoke.

He's a great baby...sweeter than ever and loved by many!

Answered prayer. There really is nothing like it. (more details later....:)

The Birthday {BOY}

Happy birthday, JD. Today, we celebrate YOU...

Your humor.
Your smile.
Your tender heart.
Your chatty nature and giving spirit.

Today ... there are about a billion people who are sure glad you were born...but probably none as much as me :)

---

We ate lunch at {our} new favorite joint: Famous Dave's BBQ and I forced a picture on him...

Then we went shopping for hats and stopped for in impromptu surprise at Crystal and Jason's. She made him his cherry chip cake with cherry frosting since we were at doctor appts all morning.

Note the Jack Lambert cake topper on a PINK cake!!!!!

Ya just GOTTA love JD :) Happy birthday, sweets.

Faith Like Potatoes

Potato Field: image courtesy Getty Images

Everything, every tiny little thing, happens for a reason. Often times when JD and I can't decide which movie to rent, we peruse the Blockbuster website and watch trailers until something strikes our fancy.

"Faith Like Potatoes" struck my fancy. It's like the movie had a golden halo around it with the subscript, rent me. We also rented "The Last House on the Left" which was one I couldn't even get through. We made it till the woods scene and I finally told JD to shut it off. I just couldn't take any more of that movie. Don't rent it. Just don't.

But "Faith Like Potatoes" was different. Do rent it. Do.

It's about a Scottish African farmer who is trying to make it against all odds. His life is falling apart...his family is falling apart...and his farm is drying up. He goes to church one morning and God shakes him back to life. Long story short, he decides to give his life, and his farm, to the Lord. The entire tale is one of obedience and faith...of perseverance and scrutiny and a Lord that never ever gives up. It's about an ordinary man living an ordinary life with an extraordinary God in charge. He's not immune to tragedy. He's not living without fear. He's human and is constantly reminding himself that he needs God's help...his guidance and love...and on a daily, minute by minute basis.

I'm going to ruin the movie for you so if you're interested in renting it, stop reading now :)

At the end of the film, Angus (the farmer) decides to plant potatoes in the middle of a devastating African drought. Nothing is growing and everyone is scared. The thought of potatoes almost makes the village laugh, but Angus faithfully and obediently plants the crop despite the scoffs.

Simeon, Angus' right hand, eagerly awaits the harvest as well. In fact, he tries to pry open the earth just to take a peek at the crop before it's ready. Angus, on the other hand, waits patiently for the day of harvest...for God's promise to be revealed...and requires Simeon to do the same.

The field, covered in dry stalks and puny leaves tells a grim story of what could be beneath the surface. If you glanced over top the farm, you might guess the earth beneath holds no more than weeds and rot. The above-ground crop looks a lot like my garden in August after two weeks when I realize it's nto been getting any water - only worse. The harvest looks grim but with potatoes, there's no real way to tell until they are dug up.

When it's finally time, together, the two men unearth the largest potato crop Africa has seen in quite some time and they dance before the Lord.

----
I can't help but find myself in this story; and maybe you can find yourself a little too.

I've been comparing this idea of the potato to this little life in side me. On the outside, it's scary- I might even say at times, dreary. I look at this belly and see it bounce around and can't help but think that at any moment, the movement could stop. At any moment, this fruit of my womb could be bouncing around with his maker instead of with me. I can't help but notice those 'dry' moments of desperation when I'm on the outside....seeing what's on the outside.

But often times I forget that the real fruit - the real fruit is on the inside and the promise of hope, well, that's there as well but it's hard to see and right now, it's hard to even remember. So when I say to myself, "Have faith like potatoes', I'm really thinking...have faith, Lisa.

Have the kind of faith that doesn't rely on what's happening all around you. Instead, focus on what is happening IN you. IN your heart; IN your soul; and yes, even IN your belly.

Have the kind of faith that doesn't require peeks...and prods...but that can be patient, knowing God's promise is about to be revealed.

Have the kind of faith that knows no matter what happens, it's happening because glory will be unearthed and have the kind of faith that is humbled before the Lord.

Have faith...like potatoes.

And don't be surprised if I just happen to lovingly refer to this little boy as my sweet little potato from now until eternity because EVERYTHING....even blockbuster rentals....happen for a reason.

an {up}date

i'm exhausted. so much so that i'm not going to pay any attention to capitals.

i had the amnio today but it wasn't without {fear}.

the appt was at 1:00 and jd and i joked about what time it would actually happen. i said 4 he said 6. turns out we were both wrong.

our nurse was nice. she wanted to know why we were getting the amnio...and why we were opting to induce if the baby's lungs were ready...so we explained that we lost our first baby at 39 weeks due to a complete freak cord accident and we want to get this little guy out as soon as possible...that we feel much better with the baby OUT than we do with the baby IN. it's tough for people to understand that.

then she started hooking me up to the monitors- one for contractions and one for the baby's heart rate. she tried the left side. no go. she tried the right side. no go. i kept thinking 'i know he's okay, i've been feeling him move' but something inside me could not justify NOT hearing his heartbeat. she kept scanning my belly and finally gave up. she looked me in the eye and told me she knew i was freaking out and that she'd go get the ultrasound machine.

ultrasound machine. for a full term baby? is that REALLY necessary???? it was when we had olivia...and the turn of events was almost identical. i was secretly having a heart attack at this moment. jd asked, 'he's been moving, right?' and i tried to reassure him but i was slipping fast...

about 20 minutes of complete and total silence....and a baby not moving....and a mother's heart breaking....and a father on his knees...later, the doctor himself came in wheeling the ultrasound machine behind him. that fact that the doc was there was enough to worry both jd and i. this wasn't just a matter of needing a better machine. everyone was worried.

the nurses stood against the wall and none of them were breathing.

the doc started scanning my belly...slowly...silently...trying to make jokes, which were falling on deaf ears. i saw the baby's ribs and there was no movement inside them. it was a complete flashback to olivia. the doc asked for the lights to be turned off...and kept scanning. that's when i lost it. and that's when jd lost it too.

i wanted to throw the scanner thingy against the wall and scream to the top of my lungs, "cut this baby out of me NOW!!!!!"

just then, jd screams "i see it...it's right there lees...i see it" the doc asks for the doppler and it FINALLY picks up a heartbeat. i just couldn't stop sobbing. the baby was turned around in a weird position. his back was facing us and that's why i couldn't see any movement within the ribcage. and oddly enough, his heartbeat was finally discovered underneath my ribcage.

i can't even really explain in words how that felt. it was almost a complete repeat of what happened with olivia...and yet was a total miracle in the end. i know i'm getting a lot of monitoring with this pregnancy but it just goes to show that something bad can happen at any.moment.

the amnio was tough but i made it through. we're waiting on the results...and the doc should call sometime tomorrow afternoon. i can't really say when the 'real' day will be because it seems like when i do, we take about three steps backward. i'm thinking that if we have this baby sometime before april, it'll be great :)

waiting....

waiting....

praying....

hoping....

trying to be {up} but it's getting tough.

period.