October 15th is...

Infant loss and remembrance day. Today is a day to remember our sweet baby Olivia... and her long piano fingers all snuggled in a pink bunny fleece blanket...her 'mama's' lips and daddy's nose...the ways she's changed us...and all the lessons her life has taught us:

O Of all the love I've ever known, yours has taught the most.
L Losing you has revealed the truth that I haven't lost you.
I I've learned that God's grace is still amazing.
V Visualizing Him rocking you gives me comfort until I can.
I Igniting a passion for what's after this life.
A Always in our hearts and never more than a moment away.

Olivia, so precious and loved.

EOU

I took my honor society to EOU for a campus tour and football game. This is the video from our trip and I think it turned out pretty neat. The inspiration came from this question:

"If you had ONE thing to tell the children of this world, what would it be?"

(if you want to see the video, it's about 5 minutes long...and you might want to pause the playlist at the bottom) :) Tell me what you think!

Awe. Isn't that sweet?

It's almost as sweet as when my husband surprised me with a 357 smith and wesson ... THAT was a day I'll never forget- more importantly, a lesson in self-defense that I wish I could.

"I bought you something, honey". It's just not every day when your hub comes home and utters those words, you know? Sends a kind of shiver up a girl's back.

My husband, he's funny. He gets these ideas in his head- things that he WANTS me to have and then all of the sudden...I get something pretty off-the-wall. By no means anything fancy and wrapped with a pink bow - but the look on his face as he hands it over - well, let's just say that a pink bow pales in comparison.

Most people who know our family, know that JD is quite the swindler. He finds these amazing 'deals' and as long as he has a private 'arm' to trade, he comes out on top. Don't get me wrong, he's not a private arms dealer, but I have to admit that his investments in guns do pay off from time to time.

So today, I got this:

And I must admit, it took a few days to warm up to the deal. As the only girl in my family with three older brothers, I grew up on these machines and (ahem) they bring out a sort of wild side of my personhood. I was a bit apprehensive to jump on this four-wheeler. Maybe because I'm all grown up, don't you know? All 'mom' and such. I must admit, though, it took one push of the accelerator to take me right back to 1992. I LOVE the feel of wind in my hair and the quick twist of a handle bar. Call me crazy.
To me, this is what this picture says: "Son, it's for you...it's for your childhood...it's why I work so hard...to see this smile:" I'm not sayin' money buys happiness, by any means. But there's something about wanting to pass down the same memories of your own childhood, you know?

And I'm sorry. That's just a gift that can't be bought (or traded). I love the way JD has invested in memories...and how it includes everybody in our family.

He Thinks

I've been taken aback lately by Ryan. He's growing so fast and is absorbing so much of the world at such an exponential rate. I can't tell you the number of times our dialogue begins with "What do we need ________ for?" Or the things from his past that he can recall with such clarity and detail.



This picture, for example, sparked a very interesting discussion about the necessity of bones (and sizes of bones and people bones vs. dinosaur bones and why we need strong bones and which animals have bones and why don't worms have bones and do worms drink milk? and that's why they don't have bones- which, actually, makes a pretty hefty argument for why one small child shall drink milk so that he or she does not grow weak and limpy like a worm). There are dozens of conversations like these daily. This boy, he thinks...and thinks...and thinks.

These eyes. They just take it alllll in and I can't help but gasp at the responsibility to be the filter. I've got to let less in while I still can.

Lord, I need your help.

Seriously...

What do you do when your kid keeps doing this? We never had to keep Ryan out of the dishwasher and seriously, I'm out of ideas here. "No" is NOT working. Redirection- not working. This seems like a battle I can't win. And honestly, I don't want to 'battle'. Is there an easy fix????

Yes, Gage is DRINKING Yogurt...

ahhhh...to be young :)

I'm learning...

I know that there's a battle in my mind- one that often includes doubt, fear, frustration, worry, resentment, the list goes on and on...the 'strongholds' of this life. In Beth Moore's "Living Free" bible study, I'm learning that the battlefield IS our mind. If I can think thoughts that separate myself from Christ, then the devil wins.

I heard a politician once say, "Don't tell me what you believe to be financially important; show me your budget". I wonder what my budget says about me? And you know what the bible says...the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I think that's basically what Beth Moore is pointing out- do my actions match my beliefs? Am I really the person I want to/claim to be?

In 2 Chronicles, the king's battle strategy was to let God fight the fight. Literally. I sometimes think that if I attend church often enough, volunteer regularly, or sign up on some committee, that somehow, God sees my actions and I get a gold star. My mind knows this isn't true, but the heart part of me still wants to earn God's approval. I'm really good at trying to fight the fight by myself.

So you can see how my post (many moons ago) about knowing what is right and still doing what is wrong, was so...tough to swallow. God revealed the answer to me this week. He told me that He accepts us because of the sacrifice of His son, not because of what I do or don't do and that Christ showed us the extent of His love on the cross. This doesn't mean to do what you want and know you are saved- it means, toss your problems to the cross and seek refuge in the arms of a savior who loves deeply. And I can understand that deep love because I've felt it.

Finally, I've learned this week, that just like the king in 2nd Chronicles, I'm going to let God take control of the battlefield that is my mind and when the strongholds of this world try to take root, I am going to seek His truth in His word.

Thank you God, for training my hands for war and providing me with the shield of your salvation. Help me to put on Your full armor this week. Amen. (ps- and please give my sweet baby a kiss for me).