This {little} Light of Mine...

I haven't blogged in a loooong time. Truth be told, my life is writing this story so fast I can't keep up. I've had a lot on my mind lately -

adjusting to our life with {3};
adjusting to our life with {3}+a house;
adjusting to our life with {3}+a house+a job;
adjusting to our life with {3}+a house+a classroom to empty
adjusting to our life with {3}+a house+a classroom to empty+ a different job;

Everyone else seems to be adjusting an eensy weensy bit better than I am. My {science} classroom (and all the fun experimental kinds of things that are tiny and add up faster than I can type this that come along with that word) is finally FINALLY cleaned out.

There is not one spec of {me} left in the middle school. Gone. Like a candle in the wind ~ extinguished.

My teaching license allows me to be flexible and so that's what I keep chanting to myself - "I'm flexible. Flex-eeee-blay" But my hearts keeps piping up too - this {job} is who I {am}. I've poured out myself into {it}. I've worked long and hard. It's my mission field. These middle school kids have been my mission.

Surely I cannot be the only person in the word who has ever had to {change}.

---

Today I sat on the floor of my 'office' going through old boxes of cards while the {3} slept. I came across a card that someone had given me for my college graduation 10 years ago to.the.day (God works in mysterious ways, eh?). My heart needed some words and not surprisingly, it found them in a box.

If I could give you anything as you graduate from college, I would GIVE you a candle that burns as BRIGHTLY as the light within you, the light you are...I would tell you to keep it burning, no matter what. I would say don't let the well-intentioned extinguish it. Don't let the mean-spirited blow it out. Don't let your light flicker and fade because of everyday challenges and concerns. The world is large, and no one can illuminate it alone, but it is amazing how a single candle, burning brightly can light so many others.

And so it is. I cannot possibly be the only one who feels extinguished; snuffed out; slipped away; defeated. But perhaps like me, someone's heart needs a reminder.

Press on. Push forward.

The world needs your light. Hold your candle high.

{different}

change has been looming on the horizon for a while now. it's mostly been {rumor} which is always a real treat. i've done a lot of nodding...and smiling when i encounter people around me who seem to know more about my future than i do but to be honest, it's been tough to teeth my way through those conversations.

part of that is what comes with maternity leave. the note that reads 'you have a different job next year' must be burried under mountains on my desktop, waiting to be read upon my return{tomorrow}.

i found out today that i'll be teaching something {different} next year - for sure. it's not a rumore any more. i'll be packing my middle school bags and heading out for an adventure of another sort. the hours will be {different}. the building will be {different}. the collegues will be {different} but most of all, the kids will be {different}.

{different} is good but so is God. better, in fact.

and the {difference} is two grades. stay tuned to hear tales from the fourth grade...

Ryan is {6}

It's true. My biggest baby is growing right up.

I decided to take Ryan for a lil birthday photo shoot around the neighborhood. I just can't help but think about him as a senior in high school in some of these pictures!

Ry - You still suck your thumb and I'm sure we'll have the orthodontist bill to prove it. Old tricks die hard. :)

You are a spitting image of your dad right down to the way you shove your little hands into your pockets.

Your favorite thing to do is ride your new cool bike that Papa Bob built just.for.you.

You love legos and I'm quite impressed with your creations! You prefer your mind's eye rather than the box. LOVE that!

Your spirit is gentle...you think with your head AND your heart, as Uncle A would say.

You requested pizza for your birthday dinner and a bowling party, both of which came out of nowhere!

Your questions amaze me but even more so, your understanding.

You love to chill with papa, read The Making of Titanic, and draw jets with missiles.

You insist that you'll be working in the army...flying a P51 Mustang.

You love the Lord.

You have a sense of justice right now - especially when picking up toys you didn't play with.

You still scout stuffed animals with skinny tails that you can rub against your nose.

You wear glasses and a size 6 slim jean. Every pair of jeans you own have holes in the knees, by the way!

Your spirit is quiet but by the same token, you are a force to be reckoned with.

You've got one foot into manhood but lucky for me, you still run to my arms.

Happy birthday little {man}

---

Bowling Party:

My dad is seriously one of the coolest people I know.

Can you see the crazy in those eyes??? lol

teaching...

loving....

killing????

The 'cake' - those little white cupcakes are supposed to be bowling balls but I keep having to tell people that...lol!

Overall, a day DEFINITELY worth {celebrating}.

Happy 6th sweet boy!

bloomers; bloomie; bloom-a-luff-a-gus

that's me. for now. a bloomer...bloomie...and bloom-a-luff-a-gus.

this time last year, i was bloggin' about this dream to run a marathon. bloomsday isn't a marathon but it may as well be (from my point of view).

and so time went on...and i had a sweet little baby boy...and still, tucked away in the far corner of my mind...held on to the dream of running bloomsday.

but i let go of it. all in good time, i thought. all in good time.

but candy didn't let go...and she convinced...encouraged...prodded...called...even signed us both up AND picked up my race packet :) gotta love candy! i must admit though, i was secretly wishing she'd cancel!

and now i can say, without a shadow of a doubt, i am a bloomer. blooming slowly but surely. a bloomie.

jd thought we'd walk the whole thing. so did jeff. heck, so did i! to tell myself the truth, i was relieved to hear that they have a sweeper truck that picks up the slow pokes. that'll be me, i thought, gettin' swept up! who runs in a race 8 wks after having a baby? certainly not me!

the race started and i freaked out - was afraid i'd get trampled to death. the excitement kicked in my endorphins or some darn thing because before we knew it, candy and i were high-fivin' the 2nd mile marker! we had finished the first thirdish of the race in 20 minutes!!!! that's a 10 minute mile and that's AMAZING (for us).

we continued to jog...walk...jog...walk until doomsday hill. after mile 6, we just didn't have a whole lot left in us and ended up walking a lot more than jogging. we did, however, pick it up when we heard the rocky theme song and saw the finish line.

it was definitely an experience.
it was definitely FUN
it was definitely worth it (and worth doing AGAIN)...
definitely worth {blooming} and i have the shirt to prove it! :)

crossing the finish line

Washer Woes with a Moral

-I noticed that my washer doesn't agitate today. It does...kinda. If you push on the white thingy really hard with your forearm, it'll turn. But if you leave it alone, it just kinda shakes but not even hard enough to move the clothes around. I can't help but wonder how long it's NOT been 'cleaning' our clothes???

-Thank you Dave for teaching me to {save} but now, NOTHING can pick away at our emergency fund. Even the washer that will no longer agitate. Who needs clean clothes anyway? I prefer that cash to be left alone thankyouverymuch.

-But evidently JD needs clean clothes, which is why he recommended the following solution "Just go buy a new set. Why are we still messing around with this POS?" (when it comes to JD you get it like it is, k?).

-So I googled...and price checked...and made an informed slash 'green' decision...and handed him Costco's price for a full capacity dual set- $1500, cause like Dave says, if you're gonna do it then buy something that will LAST.

-The light left JD's eyes and he jumped on the computer. Turns out, you can google "what's wrong with my 1940's washer" and a handy little video will pop up explaining how to take it apart.

-2 seconds later, our washer is tore apart (with non-agitated clothes still in it, I might add) and JD quickly presents me with a nasty collection of broken bolt looking parts. The 90 cent part we need is called a clutch. Who knew?

- But if you want to do laundry for a family of five between now and the 8-10 week delivery time frame, you have to pay "extra" for next day air cause even THAT'S cheaper than the quarter machines. The grand total was a bit more...but a whole lot LESS than $1500.

-So in my mind, we saved about $1400 today, which is why I was completely and totally justified to buy new running shoes....

and THAT, folks, is what Dave calls 'immaturity'.

moral of the story: A penny not spent is not the same as a penny earned. *sigh*

Gage is {3}

My little bear is {three} and my, how time flies.


It seems like yesterday we were bringing you home...and now look at you!

vibrant.

wickedly smart.

comical.

independent.

a good dose of ornery.

strong-willed.

purposeful.

entertaining.

explorer.

veruca, sweetheart, angel.

You love Thomas...and James...and Percy...and Gordon.

You love "chicken and flies" from McD's.

You love to swing.

You love to sing High Way to the Danger Zone and God Made Me.

You know way too much for a kid your age (letters...numbers...sight words...counting...shapes....colors....the works- you know it and it freaks a lot of people out).

You love to do things by yourself.

You love to read.

You love to watch Word World.

You LOVE Peter Pan and love to call me Tink.

You love Ryan.

You love to kiss Jaxson and whisper, "Love you baby Jaxson".

You love the park but LOVE the library.

You love to list all the animals that eat grass.

You love to yard sale ;)

You love to take sips of my coffee.

You love to ride on your dad's shoulders.

You love your guitar and pack it around everywhere.

You love to sit on the left and sleep on the right.

...but guess what WE love?

We LOVE you little Gage. Happy 3rd Birthday!!!

You're {three} today mister Gage...and you continue to bring amazing flavor to our life!

It's {personal}

Funny title for a public blog, eh?

I feel bad. Guilty really. A tad disappointed too. When I posted the Easter 'teaser' I didn't realize how HARD it would be to put into words after it was all over. But mostly, I didn't realize how incredibly {personal} Easter was for me this year.

I am so humbled that Christ died on a cross for me. For you. For my little boys - the boys whose eternal salvation rests in my ability to introduce them to the God of the universe. I didn't want Easter to be bunny-centered. I didn't want my kids to 'want' anything on this day except an insatiable desire for salvation cultivated by a personal relationship with the One who loves best.

Pressure, much?

I found the words that my heart seemed to breathe. The words I wanted to share with my family...I felt giddy even...excited to 'teach' my family what Easter means to {me}.

There I stood. Eyes on me. And it was in that moment when I realized it was very, very {personal}. Those words that I found - the ones that my heart breathed - God already heard them from my lips. And so while I was saying them aloud in an attempt to make them more meaningful for Him, the holy spirit touched me deeply.

It was embarrassing. I'm not going to lie. It was.

I had this idea in my head and it just didn't play out the same. I'm an emotional person and there I was - balling all over our Easter dinner. There I was - barely able to get out the message that I wanted Him to hear...that I wanted to 'teach' my boys...that I wanted to my family to know. There I was...naked. exposed. transparent. Naked before Christ. Exposed before Christ. Transparent before our King.

Easter is a HUGE deal and as much as I wanted to fold my paper in half, slip it on my lap, and utter "never mind", I just couldn't. The message...and meaning of Easter is far too great for me to confuse it with my comfort. I pressed forward - got the word out by trust me, it wasn't as graceful as I had hoped for. Who even knows if a single word was understood...

It's funny how 'holidays' change when a person becomes a parent. I'm working on the message that will evolve into memory for my boys. I'm working on the Easter take-away and this year was step one.

I want my kids to know that Christ's love is sweeter than chocolate (even if I had to fight through tears to tell them).

I want them to know that the REAL treasure in their Easter basket is eternal salvation.