Crazy Significant

I've been reading a book - one that I've struggled to put down, actually. It's called Crazy Love by Francis Chan and is one that was chosen by a group that JD and are now attending. Like Beth Moore's study of Esther, it's one that has gripped me; has 'found' its way to me because I needed to hear it, listen to it, and change because of it.

So far in the book, Chan has presented a need for change (both personal and at a church level). He's questioned my motives. He's questioned the relationship that I have developed with Christ over the years. He's questioned what I do and why I do it.

I have to just interrupt myself for a minute and be honest. I have been stressed out lately. We have had *major* schedule changes happening at our house, which have equated to earlier waking hours (not to mention the deficit still hanging on from daylight savings), less patience, less understanding, less help, and more to do. I have children who need {me}, a garden that needs planting and walls that need painting. I have books that need reading and papers that need grading. Did I mention that I have yet to get more than 7 hours of sleep? There are more demands at work - and less time or money to get them met. There are fewer moments to just sit and listen; to be where I am without a list of things I should be or need to be doing at any given moment in time. Life just seems to be cluttered with stuff lately.

I've been stressed OUT.

I've been ready for spring break with every fiber of my being.

I've soaked up every bit of baby Levi that I can because somehow, holding a brand new nephew, has been just the {right} medicine. Time can stand for a minute. And then reality hits me like a Mack truck.

So you can imagine my shock when Chan suggested that stress (as in my stress) is really dressed up arrogance. It's a symptom that I am more concerned about my own goings on than I am about how I'm living to glorify God.

Wha? Wow. I guess when I'm stressed out, it's time for me to take a step back and realize that I am not the main character in this movie called "Life"; God is. I'm the little teeny tiny glimpse of a passing shoulder and my purpose is to point toward the Main Character and away from me {and my issues}. Whoops. How did I miss that this week/month/year? My life is fleeting and it really is, in the grand scheme of things, insignificant. Go here to find out just how insignificant we really are. Amazing, huh?

Every morning, when I wake up, I have a choice. If I get it wrong that day, then hopefully by the grace of God, I can get it right the next day. We are all here for a purpose and each day we have to find it - and here's a shocker - it might be hiding behind the stress if I can just clear it a way for a while to get a better look.

* It amazes me how insignificant I am (because sometimes I like to think I'm important). Have you ever stood above an ocean surf and watched the waves crash against a cliff? You know the spray of water that curls back and under - one tiny droplet of water from that wave is my life in the grand ocean of time. One drop. Not real impressive. Doesn't really seem like it matters. The ocean surely would not miss one drop.

* It amazes me that despite how small and unimportant I am, God still cares. Despite my insignificance, He still regards me as significant. That statement just stops me in my tracks. It takes me a minute to fully realize what that means and I'm wondering now if I've really soaked it in completely. I matter?

* It amazes me that I am significant to the Creator of this ENTIRE universe; that He made me from dust; that I was part of a plan. He cares about my thoughts and feelings....and struggles and stress....and when I forget to point toward him, he nudges me with how Crazy His love really is.

...and like Chan suggests, I really need to "get over myself (my 'stress')".